I gave into temptation at work, but now I want to call my affair off

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DEAR DEIDRE:

When an attractive young woman came on to me, I’m ashamed to say I gave into temptation and began an affair with her.

At that time I deliberately pushed all consideration for my wife away.

But now I’ve realised how much I love her and want to end it, my lover won’t take no for an answer.

I’ve been married for eight years and have two children, aged seven and five. I’m 38 and my wife is 36.

My lover, 24, has a partner too but says she’s really unhappy with him.

We met when she started temping in my office earlier this year. She made a beeline for me and I was flattered by her attention.

She’s sexy, blonde and made me feel wanted in a way my wife hasn’t for years.

Within a few weeks, she had worn me down with her flirting. We slept together in a hotel and began a passionate affair.

When her temping contract finished, I came to my senses and told her we were too.

Even though I deleted her number and stopped replying to her messages, she keeps hanging around outside work to see me.

I even found her waiting for me in my local the other evening.

We had a few drinks and, in a moment of weakness, I slept with her again. I regretted it instantly.

I love my wife and kids and can’t bear the thought of losing my family.

If my wife ever finds out she’ll be devastated and kick me out.

My lover is a nice woman, but I don’t want to be with her and I really don’t need this drama in my life.

How do I end things properly and get this woman out of my life?

DEIDRE SAYS:

It’s time to take responsibility for your actions.

If you want to keep your marriage and family you need to stop giving in.

Remind yourself that the longer this goes on, the more likely your wife is to find out about it.

Don’t be rude or cruel but be firm. Your lover needs to understand that you are not going to leave your wife and she needs to accept that your fling is over.

Tell her it’s not appropriate for her to be hanging around to try and see you.

My support pack, Ending A Relationship, should give you some tips.

But also be aware there must be a reason why you keep being tempted. If something in your marriage isn’t right, you have to talk to your wife about it and try to sort it out together.

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